“The Mosby” – why honesty fails in this world

Posted on by
Reply

We humans have different values for things. We place things like material possession, relationships, power, acceptance, beliefs and other stuff in order of priority without even realising that we’re doing it for most of the time. Sometimes even in our denial, we fail to see that we value one thing over the other. And this inherent instinct manifests itself through the decisions and the choices we make.

That’s just the fundamental concept of trading, isn’t it? We trade something we value less for something we value more at any point of time, ie money for food when we are hungry; or education over money when we are willing to splurge for a degree. And like it or not, whether you’re aware of it or not, we all live by this system of values we have in us. This shouldn’t surprise us at all.

This brings me to the core of this post. What do we value in an exclusive relationship? Or perhaps the more apt question would be, what are some of the aspects in a relationship which we value more than others? How does one answer those questions? Why…simply pay attention to your thoughts, words, actions, feelings and decisions.

Now, most of us are familiar with the How I Met Your Mother metaphor of “The Mosby”. Just in case you’re not, the metaphor was basically formed by Ted when he had prematurely confessed to Robin that he loves her after their first date. It is used to characterise premature expressions of affection/commitment throughout the show, and in fact, the same characterisation is boiled into how the world (or at least HIMYM fans) mocks and shuns such an idea. Just mention the phrase to a friend who watches HIMYM and observe their responses (my guess: chuckles follow).

Now, when I had attempted to break down what Ted did to Robin in that particular episode, pulling away the facade of romanticism, I found something innocently precious and grossly misinterpreted – honesty. Perhaps such honesty when connoted with foolishness is worth something of a laughing matter. Foolishness is the cheap entertainment anyway. But honesty, that’s something rare to find these days, especially in men.

My friend once asked me, “Why do guys always lie to girls?” Obviously, it’s not true that guys always lie to girls (like when we tell you you’ve been spending too much money on shopping, we mean it!), but we do it frequently enough to lose their trust almost entirely. My comeback was, “It’s because girls cannot handle the truth most of the time.” And it’s true (I checked with another platonic female friend). “When a guy tells the truth to a girl, most of the time he comes across as ‘being mean’ or ‘insensitive’. But truth be told, he’s just being honest, worse still if the girl asked for an honest response. I run the risk of generalising unfairly, but most girls just can’t handle honesty. And after awhile, guys just resort to telling half-truths to them”, I explained. “Also, most girls are afraid of confrontation”, I added. That’s another post-worthy story I might never get the chance to share.

I digressed, not in an unrelated sense. Nonetheless, digressed.

Do you see how honesty, though a beautiful untarnished gem in itself, has turned into something disgustingly annoying according to the lenses of this world? What in the world is wrong with speaking the truth?

I think I’ve found my conclusion.

It is not that women cannot handle the truth. It is not that men cannot tell the truth. We value the relationship above anything which might potentially strain or destroy it. Women (more often than not) tend to value the emotional intimacy in a relationship while men (well, I hate to admit this too) tend not to sometimes. As men, we look out for ourselves way too much that the instinct to protect and fend for oneself sometimes translates into selfishness. Again, I’m generalising here, so don’t take offence. Women have their fears of confronting people with hard (heart) issues. Men have our prides to want to be right all the time. Both have flaws. There is nothing wrong with speaking the truth and there shouldn’t be hold backs or half-truths spoken in an effort to shield the relationship. Instead, I reckon truths when spoken in love (firm, no sugar coating required, but in the best interest of the receiver, with appropriate action to back up those words), and received with humility, protect a relationship far better than any lie or hiding can ever do. Take my word for it.

Ladies, recognise and discern what guys mean when they tell you the truth for your own good. Don’t be afraid to strain a little of the relationship to make things clear. Guys appreciate honesty and clear communication from ladies who understand and are courageous enough to accept the truth we say.

Gents, be conscientious and gentle, especially with words. Know that in speaking the truth to the ladies, we are not being mean or inconsiderate and learn to communicate in the best interest of the listener (not your own). Ladies appreciate it when we back our words with actions that actually show how much we care for them above ourselves.

Ladies and gents, learn what it means to value your relationship above other things. And learn it well. A relationship doesn’t grow when truths are swept under a carpet only for them to be uncovered. It flourishes when two people place the other person’s gain, interest, well-being and need above their own. And if that means being honest, be honest passionately, sacrificially, and with action – because that’s what love calls for.

I will end this post with one last thought.

So what should we make of “The Mosby” then? I laughed at it too. I thought it was foolish, not because Ted was desperate and couldn’t control himself, or how Robin was cold and awkward after. The foolishness was founded on their selfish nature, shown in each person’s doing. Whatever they did, they did it without prior consideration of what the other person wants/thinks/needs. Rash, inconsiderate, naive, foolish. Took awhile and a bit of experience for me to see it this way.

.

.

Signing off,
Karl

The Inescapable End

Posted on by
2

You’ve guessed it. I’m talking about death. Something every single soul in the universe will definitely go through with absolute certainty. There’s no escape. There’s no hiding. Death finds you whether you like it or not; ready or not. And so often, let’s be honest, we’re not prepared for death to sweep by without warning. Funny how death surprises us almost each time though we know at the back of our minds that meeting death face to face is an eventuality for all of us.

Before this post turns into a morbid, sadistic, bleak, hopeless piece of write-up on just about one of the only few absolutes in life (besides ABSOLUT VODKA of course), I wanna say that there is hope. Death always seems to be the end because that’s all it is. If you think death is the end, then the tragedy is on you, my friend. I don’t wish to delve into an argument about life after death with anyone, but I hope this post helps you reconsider your perspective on death and inevitably, life.

But first, let me tell you a story. It’s my inspiration to this post anyway, so let me get it out there. You see, funerals and wake services have taken up an insignificantly tiny part of my life, as I’m pretty sure it has with yours as well. My old pop’s funeral stands out among the many as one of the most sudden and weirdest of the lot, probably because his death was too sudden and the funeral was conducted in a traditional buddhist/taoist ritualistic manner. I was fine with the rituals, just not the cause of death. I mean come on, pops is healthier than my dad, for goodness sake. Still, in spite of going through all these deaths in my 22 years of living, I have never had a personal friend around my age pass away. Most of the time, these 22 year olds who die of either freak accidents or some complicated medical condition are strangers to me. And yet here I am, grieving the temporary separation of one dearly loved.

I hadn’t known Janice for long. A few conversations in between and some time spent at OCF combine meetings would suffice to conclude my impressions of her being a very nice person with a sweet smile, infectiously cheerful and exuberant whenever, wherever. I could hardly recall a time when I don’t see her smile with her big eyes, even less when I got to know about her diagnosis – relapse of previous cancer, one of the bone, in the final stages. Janice stepped down from her role in OCF Sydney, as a result, but had never rejected the fellowship of her brothers and sisters in Christ. When the news of the extent of her illness got to me, I was devastated thinking how she and her family might feel. I wouldn’t even dare to imagine the magnitude of suffering and pain she and her family had to go through to arrive to a resignation, and to continue bearing with their daughter and sister slowly dying away day by day must come with immense emotional and psychological effect to the family. But I hadn’t thought beyond my control. I hadn’t plunge myself into a bottomless pit just yet. I hadn’t let go of hope, and thank God, so did she.

From time to time, we’d come together as OCF and pray for Janice in her sickness. We’d pray for her to continue to trust in God’s sovereignty, to rest assure in His goodness and to press on for healing. We’d pray for her family to be able to cope with her disease and more importantly, to cope and wrestle with the detrimental effect her condition might have on the family. We’d too pray that her family would recognise and hang on to God’s love, peace and joy throughout this trying time, and in hopeful obedience, continue in their love for Jesus, our highest treasure. And whenever we have the opportunity to meet with Janice, we’d encourage her through fellowship, through obedience to God’s Word and through love for Jesus and for one another. But many times, we were the ones encouraged instead, by her unswerving trust in God, her overwhelming joy and peace despite her circumstances (which I think gives her the right to be depressed, angry and frustrated), and her overall hopeful perspective of life and death. We were blind to see that our prayers have actually been answered, and that God was already working through her.

I don’t speak for others, but I certainly sensed genuine fearlessness and a hope beyond hope when I interact with Janice. She so believed it will go well with her, even in her death, that it shows in the way she lives. Now that’s trust in God’s sovereignty! That is hope (better than hoping for a recovery) beyond hope! And that blows me away and puts many of us (myself included) to utter embarrassment with the way we live! And I thought to myself, she must have found something more powerful than death itself to be able to stare death in its face with unwavering courage and boldness. Her hope must have been rooted in an unshakable ground that even death cannot rob it away from her.

Friends, there are not many things in this world that hold the power to strike fear and rob hope like death does. But there is one thing more powerful than death that I know, the same thing that Janice found in her life and have come to place her hope and trust in – Jesus Christ, hope of all hope. You see, only someone who has the power to conquer death and has proven so by his own conquering of death, is worth putting our hope in. And if He can do what He says He can do, there is no doubt that His promise to raise us up from our sleep to be with The One will become an eventuality. Though sin and death separates us temporarily, life has the ultimate triumph, says the Life Giver. I am talking about a wholesomeness even sin cannot taint. It is far better than temporary bodily healing (because the reality is such that no matter how healthy we are, we cannot escape death). And it is found in Jesus. Janice found Jesus, and man! did she cling onto Him!

I am so encouraged, inspired, shaken by her life. Unassuming confidence and a sense of assurance, quiet strength, steady peace, unswerving trust and hope that all comes from God. Truly there is yet a friend I know besides Janice whose life can be aptly described as having ‘fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith’ (2 Tim 4:7). As I sat through her memorial service, hearing all the testimonies and memories given by family and friends, I can’t help but agree that she had fulfilled her purpose in life, even if it means she had accomplished it through her suffering, affliction and death. Through Janice, we saw a glimpse of Jesus. And I praise God for that!

Dear Janice,

You probably weren’t aware of the great impact you had left in the lives of many whom had the blessing of knowing you, until now. I thank God that we had crossed paths, and that your life has a tremendous impact on mine when I saw how you’ve trusted God relentlessly, even when it seems easier not to, and have proved Him to be faithful till the end. 20 years can seem short, but I must say, your life was a life not wasted. And I want to live like that.

Till eternity beckons.

Your friend,
Karl

A quick update

Posted on by
Reply

Hey there. It’s been awhile. A lot has happened. For starters, I didn’t get into the top 10 of the Clara C cover contest (ranked 30+ out of 200). Honours were rewarded to 10k+ view videos, with most of them youtube accounts having already a fan base. Nonetheless, I’m extremely grateful for every single one of the 3,800 views in a month that I thought would never happen. The experience has been a reward, and so were the encouragements, advices and comments!! Thank you so much!! I’m hoping to post up more music soon, and to hopefully keep on doing so. Stay tuned, if you wish. =)

.

Current obsession: I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz.

might do a cover of it. we’ll see.

.

.

Pure musical genius defined.

.

Enough of my musical adventures. Back to reality. It’s great to be back in Sydney, studying in uni. In my class today, SIRI lectured my lecturer!! YES, YOU READ IT!! SIRI LECTURED MY LECTURER!!! It was a random moment in class when the owner of an iPhone 4S with a built-in intelligent personal assistant, SIRI, lost control of his trustee assistant. SIRI braved embarrassment and broke the silence with, “I do not understand ‘all this ridiculously boring nonsense you are teaching’”. The whole class paid full attention, TO SIRI, and no one even chuckled at the end. I was sitting in the middle of a 200 capacity lecturer hall and I could hear it (it came from the front). Imagine the lecturer’s reaction. LOL! Epic right?

.

A bunch of OCF friends and I have been hanging out so much recently. Hsin and Yi Neng just left for Singapore and Canberra respectively, but the bulk remains for summer school. The mutual spurring has been encouraging to see. Personally, it’s always interesting seeing people interact and share Christ’s love with each other! Thinking of ways to intentionally encourage growth and Christ-centeredness in our fellowships and ‘hanging-outs’. Pray and trust that God would be evident in our lives!! =)

.

Alright, let’s see. What else? Miscellaneous stuffs here and there. Bible study prep planning and emailing to be done. New house is in good condition, but the carpets would really love a sweet round of vacuuming. My housemates (and Rhodes neighbours) can rest knowing their possessions and belongings are secured. That’s about it, I guess.

.

What else would you like to know about me?? =D

.

.

.

Peace and love,

Karl